Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
