I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
