The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
