Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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