I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
