My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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