his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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