butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
