I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
