I skipped work to stalk him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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