well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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