watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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