dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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