mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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