Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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