Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize