She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
