While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
