I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
