He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
