she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone came in the potted fern
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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