i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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