I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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