I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
