Me. At least after what I've been through.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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