Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
as a side note pls kill me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
