I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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