I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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