I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize