I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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