The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
