ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize