a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
