I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
