Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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