Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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