i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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