Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
