If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
