Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
