you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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