you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
