Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize