The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
