uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
