thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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