Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just tell him i said nine months
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
