I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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