I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
