Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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