Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
