It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
