census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
