you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
wow bdsm is so cute
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