No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
