did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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