I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
