so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
