The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
