Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
