its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
