Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
