I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
