piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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