Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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